| One of the most common problems a new home | | | | any question at any time; and they retreat. (Some |
| educator encounters is handling objections from | | | | even begin to consider the choice for themselves |
| family and friends. | | | | based on the very impressive information you've |
| You've made the decisions to home educate and | | | | given them). |
| have begun to tell your family and friends. While you | | | | You are no longer the easily intimidated target of |
| realized that not everyone would immediately | | | | hostile objection but rather the one to whom new |
| understand your choice, you suddenly find yourself | | | | potential home educators come for answers to their |
| pelted with hostile objections that are slung at you | | | | uncertainties and questions. |
| with a ferocity that you honestly didn't expect. In | | | | Leave the defense on the football field |
| some cases, with your more aggressive relatives and | | | | When you have embraced your difference, and are |
| friends, you find you are the downright victim of | | | | confident in your knowledge and well-researched |
| verbal assault. | | | | decision, you know you've done the right thing. There |
| You are new to this and don't yet know all the | | | | is nothing to defend. |
| answers. You haven't encountered this kind of | | | | Sometimes when folks start firing at you they are on |
| resistance before. You stumble in your answers and | | | | the offensive so your natural reaction is to be on the |
| your voice quivers. You recite some lines from a | | | | defense. Relax, there is no need to defend yourself |
| strongly worded article and feel for a brief moment | | | | and insist that you are right and they are wrong. |
| that you've handled the question, but it's met with | | | | Defense suggests that you have something to |
| another question - this time with more fury in the | | | | defend - that you've in fact done something wrong. |
| tone of delivery - and it's a question you didn't | | | | You haven't. So don't get caught up in the defense. |
| expect, hadn't read anything about and frankly, while | | | | When folks start firing insulting commentary and |
| you can feel the answer, your discomfort and | | | | asking ridiculously venomous questions all you need to |
| anxiety during this interrogation prevents you from | | | | do is remain calm, keep your wits about you and |
| finding the words. | | | | remember that you know your stuff. This gives you |
| You exit the conversation feeling defeated and know | | | | confidence and confidence gives you grace. |
| that the person with whom you were having this | | | | Be brief and direct. Answer only what you are asked |
| discussion has just reaffirmed their own opinions that | | | | and answer it honestly and directly using the |
| you are indeed crazy. In many cases, these folks will | | | | information that you've learned and in your own |
| make it their personal directive to try and change | | | | thoughtful words. Try to avoid insulting their choices |
| your mind; sometimes with vehement ferocity. | | | | (or compulsory actions) because this is not a tennis |
| After going through this more frequently than you'd | | | | match and that will get you nowhere fast. If the |
| expected you begin to dread the conversation and | | | | questions are hostile, you can diffuse them very |
| find yourself avoiding it. You no longer tell anyone | | | | easily by avoiding hostility in your own tone and |
| you first meet that you are a home educating family. | | | | inflection. Angry questions don't necessarily demand |
| When the topic of school comes up you change the | | | | angry answers. Gain control over the conversation by |
| subject. When your Aunt (who has already | | | | being the one that remains calm. |
| reprimanded you) approaches you at the next party, | | | | After all, you made the right choice. You know the |
| you slip away to the next room or start an intense | | | | facts and they do not - there is no reason to get |
| conversation with grandma about her chocolate | | | | ruffled. |
| mousse. | | | | Leave the evangelizing to the evangelicals |
| It's not that you are embarrassed; it's just that it's so | | | | Don't let yourself get caught up in trying to teach a |
| difficult to have these conversations and so | | | | crash course in the history of home education. Most |
| exhausting to handle the objections. It's like | | | | likely, it took you a long time to learn everything you |
| constantly living in the ring, right? | | | | know - you can't bestow all of that onto someone in |
| Well here are some tips from a ringer. I've been | | | | a few minutes. Keep it short, simple and direct. |
| where you are at and have learned how to handle | | | | Answer questions without using defensive language |
| objections from family, friends and peers with grace, | | | | or insults and stay focused and confident. |
| confidence and poise. While I personally have been | | | | It is not your job to provide them with a crash |
| known to enter into intense debates on the subject, | | | | course and start spitting out data and facts - as |
| those are not for the new home-ed parent and you | | | | impressive as that may seem; it's irrelevant and will |
| may not be comfortable with heated debate. | | | | fall on deaf ears. |
| As you begin your independent education journey | | | | There are many of us more experienced home |
| you will want to learn how to handle opposition from | | | | educating parents out there who have made it a |
| peers with a smooth confidence and without igniting | | | | personal mission to try and convert others to the |
| more conflict. It is my hope that some of the | | | | world of autodidacts and independent education. If |
| following tips are helpful to you as you endeavor to | | | | you are new and find yourself wavering when |
| grow as the independently thinking out-side-the-box, | | | | someone asks you how your kid is going to socialize |
| responsible, active parent you strive to be. | | | | - you are not there yet. |
| Love thyself | | | | Sure you're excited because you have realized how |
| In an effort to be accepted by their peers, many | | | | awesome it all is and so you are itching to shout it |
| times I see new home-ed parents struggle to identify | | | | from the rooftops. That's great but your sales pitch |
| with other parents and look for commonalities to | | | | is not going to go over well with anyone who is in |
| prove that they are not different. Don't do this. You | | | | that confrontational place as they are not open to it |
| are different. Identify with that and embrace it. | | | | at this time; odds are you will only exasperate them |
| Chances are you have made non-typical decisions | | | | further. Simply answer the questions and move on. |
| before and have a history of drawing outside the | | | | You know; they don't know |
| lines. Most home educators are, to some degree, | | | | Try to realize that most people are not going to |
| rebels by nature and almost perpetually question the | | | | automatically understand your decision, and that is |
| status quo. It's time to truly embrace that unique | | | | okay. Most negative comments or hostile |
| quality; love thyself. | | | | interrogation is coming from a place of confusion. |
| You are different. You made a conscious and | | | | Others do not see things the way you do because |
| deliberate choice that differs greatly from the | | | | they have not asked the questions you've asked, or |
| majority. Embrace it. | | | | done the research you've done, or learned all of the |
| Knowledge is power | | | | information you've learned that eventually brought |
| As the saying goes, "knowledge is power" and that | | | | you to make this decision. Simply put, they don't |
| certainly does apply here. Chances are you didn't | | | | know what you know. They seem hostile and |
| decide to home educate because you think it's neat, | | | | challenging and even sometimes downright mean - |
| or your friends do it and you want to be cool like | | | | but what's really happening is that they simply do not |
| that, or because someone said you should. Home | | | | know any better. |
| education is not a compulsive decision. In fact, it is | | | | In some cases you will even be seen as a threat. |
| the exact opposite of that. It is virtually always a | | | | Some folks are very comfortable with the status |
| well-thought-out, well researched and very deliberate | | | | quo and will subconsciously do whatever it takes to |
| decision. You've learned, observed, read, asked | | | | protect that, even if it means starting a fight with |
| questions and gained a pretty impressive well of | | | | you - the rebel who is shaking up the world and |
| knowledge in order to make this decision. Let that | | | | threatening to usurp the flow of the main-stream. |
| drive your confidence. | | | | Firing back at their hostile questions with hostile angry |
| Furthermore, keep learning; there should never be a | | | | answers usually just inflames the situation. Unless you |
| point that you reach where you say, "Okay, I know | | | | are ready, willing and well equipped enough for a |
| all I need to know about this, I'm done." Just because | | | | heated debate - avoid it. (There are plenty of us out |
| you've made your choice does not mean there's | | | | there who are well prepared for a debate, not |
| nothing more to learn about home education or even | | | | everyone is and that is okay). |
| about the public school system that you rejected. | | | | Try to remember that angry opposition usually |
| There is much to learn, never ending and boundless! | | | | comes from a simple lack of understanding (and even |
| Keep growing and learning and gaining experience as | | | | lack of willingness to try to understand) what you |
| time goes on. The more you learn the more deeply | | | | are doing or why you are doing it. They do not truly |
| you will understand why you chose this path for your | | | | get what home educating is all about and they do |
| family. The more deeply you understand it the more | | | | not see the inherent problems that you see with the |
| confident you will feel as your decision is solidified | | | | system. They don't know. If they did, after all, you |
| over again. Which brings me to my next tip... | | | | would not be having this conversation. |
| Confidence is Key | | | | So, try to keep that in mind when you are |
| You have made a decision for your family that you | | | | formulating your response. Most opposition comes |
| know is right. You have gathered information and | | | | from a place of ignorance and sometimes even an |
| analyzed it. You have learned a great deal about | | | | attempt to defend a familiar balance. |
| home education, socialization, academics and childhood | | | | Allow time to grow |
| development. You have read books and articles and | | | | Give yourself time; practice makes perfect. Believe |
| befriended other home educating families from whom | | | | me (and you can ask anyone that's been home |
| you've also learned a great deal. You've weighed the | | | | educating more than a couple of years), after the |
| options and made a choice. You avoided compulsive | | | | first few attacks you become less sensitive and |
| behavioral tendencies and took on the role of an | | | | more used to it. After a while you begin to get very |
| active, responsible and involved parent. You have | | | | creative with your responses and that makes it even |
| made a deliberate and thorough decision. What's | | | | more fun. |
| more, you keep learning. Congratulate yourself and | | | | Try to resist slinging verbal attacks or any attempt |
| embrace confidence with enthusiasm. | | | | to convince everyone you are right and they are |
| When you are completely confident in the choice you | | | | wrong. This will do nothing but perpetuate the conflict |
| made - there is nothing anyone can say that will | | | | and leave you looking like a big ole meanie. |
| shake you. You will not care what anyone thinks of | | | | While not every member of your family or circle of |
| your decision. It will not bother you, sway you or | | | | friends will become impressed or even convinced that |
| affect you. Confidence shows, and when it does you | | | | what you're doing is indeed right - if you express |
| are far less likely to run into any opposition. The | | | | confidence and grace, they will certainly begin to |
| more you learn the surer of yourself you'll become | | | | respect your decision and treat you accordingly. |
| and soon you'll find that you are no longer the victim | | | | Remember, you made an important decision for your |
| of verbal assault and agonizing interrogation from | | | | family. When you know deep down that you are |
| your peers. | | | | doing the right thing (which you should) it does not |
| When you are able to express yourself calmly and | | | | matter what others think or whether they agree |
| with confidence you will not be rattled easily. When | | | | with you. All that matters is that you keep on |
| you respond to even the most hostile questions with | | | | keeping on. |
| rational and thoughtful answers, you essentially douse | | | | Love yourself, love your difference, love your family |
| the fire and put to rest any further line of | | | | and love what you do. Smile, relax, be confident and |
| questioning. Soon those who oppose you, even | | | | let that shine through in all you do. Be the example. |
| vehemently, begin to see that you indeed know | | | | Wishing you good luck and good learning... |
| what you are talking about as you can clearly answer | | | | |